TOP SECRET!

Classified-top-secret

Sir John Sawers
Secret Intelligence Service
PO Box 1300
London
SE1 1BD

Dear Sir,

I understand from the newspapers that one of your operatives has been arrested in Iran, accused of spying on Iranian oil shipping.

What I fail to understand is why you failed to provide him with the invisibility device used by thousands of people up and down the country everyday.

As someone that suffers from multiple sclerosis, a fluctuating condition, I occasionally use one myself, and I can tell you that nothing ensures invisibility like them; the minute you sit down you are guaranteed not just anonymity, but 100% invisibility!

I have been used as a parcel shelf on a bus and train – where someone has plonked a bag or, as happened on Monday last, a rucksack upon my knee – and when I had the audacity to complain they actually said, and I quote, “Oh, I didn’t see you there.”  You will note that there was no apology – they genuinely thought I was part of the fittings of the bus – THAT is how effective this invisibility device is!

Even when you are being assisted, such as the bus driver lowering the ramp for you to get on the bus and you are lined up ready to get on, people will push past you to run up the ramp and then stand in the bay where you are supposed to go and when the driver tells them to move, they will say that “well, there is nobody there, why can’t I stand here?”, despite the fact that they have just ran past you…

Or, if you have somebody with you, still nobody will see you…  They will see the person behind you, even have a conversation with them, but will never see you!

These are just three examples of the effectiveness of the invisibility device, I am sure that people that have been using one longer than I have could give you countless more examples.

This invisibility device isn’t even that expensive – although mine cost somewhere in the region of £800 as it is bespoke, you can pick one up for as little as £80, including VAT, but I’m sure that, as you would probably buy in bulk, you could get a substantial discount, thus pleasing the bean counters in the public accounts committee!  Plus there are all the savings in failed espionage missions – none need ever fail again!

I do hope that you will pass this letter to whoever the real-life equivalent of “Q” is these days so that they may properly assess the suitability of the invisibility device for SIS missions, but I can assure you that they have been, and are, field tested every single day and are continually being found 100% effective.

Yours sincerely,

Adam Costello

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