Catching up.


I’ve just seen that I have had something like 10 views this week, yet I have not put anything on for about three years…  I realise that 10 views is nothing when you look at people like Jack Monroe, but it it is quite cool that people are looking at the ramblings of a forty-five year old bloke from Wirral with MS…

I suppose I best give a bit of a catch up with what has been happening…

My MS, as MS does, has progressed; it’s in the nature of the thing.  Although not at the stage where I am dependent on my nearest and dearest to do everything for me, it’s little things.  My memory is slipping – I am finding it harder to retain information, which is a bit of a bitch as I am still reading for a law degree.  Although in the final stages, I have had to get an extension, so it is no longer a qualifying law degree to become a solicitor or barrister, and if truth be told, I am wondering if I will actually be able to complete it at all; I’m finding it harder to remember the complexities of cases and statutes, as, is quite common, my cognitive comprehension is worsening.

This is the first time that I have admitted this to anyone other than my consultant.

I am now receiving occipital nerve blocks (pain killing injections to my brain) every 3-4 months, as opposed to 6-12 months; my fatigue is gradually worsening – my legs feel like they have lead weights tied to them all the time…  You know those prisoners from old films with the massive ball chained to their ankles?  Yep.  That’s me, except the balls and chains are invisible…  I am supposed to walk with crutches, but my pride insists that I only use them when I absolutely have no choice…  I don’t even like using my stick, but it is infinitely better than a pair of crutches!  And I still have my ‘chair for emergencies.

I have moved on from a crappy plastic splint to a super-duper carbon fibre roboleg for use when I’m out and about, and a  weird foot sling thing to use with dress shoes or in the house…

The pins and needles in my fingers are more or less constant and it is increasingly difficult to do things like fasten shirt buttons; indeed, I tend to only unfasten the top two when I take off a shirt these days.

I am also now suffering from a complaint that apparently affects 70% of men that have MS. Fortunately this is treatable with medication…  It’s embarrassing, but I’m going to bite the bullet:  I have difficulties in sustaining erections.  Luckily Dr P didn’t have a student with him when I broached the subject – the last thing I wanted was, what are increasingly seeming to be kids (I’m getting old!) in the room when discussing something like this!  A word to any men that are reading this:  This is more common than you think…  Don’t be ashamed about it; have a word with your GP.  Stress will compound the problem.  (I feel like Pele!)

There are a number of other symptoms that are beginning manifest themselves, but this entry is starting to look like a “poor me”, “oh woe is me” type of thing…  So on to the good:  I was lucky enough this year to be involved in a trial for a new drug, Canbex, (, which was bloody marvellous – I almost got back to my old self where my mobility and fatigue (or lack of it) was concerned, and I felt great…  Speaking to Dr P last Friday, and it seems likely that it will go to the next stage, which means that I will be able get it again, and stay on it until such a time as it is approved by NICE for prescription for general treatment…  Happy days.  

So, reading this, it does seem quite depressing when you put it down in writing all in one go like this, but this is my first entry in three years; this has all happened over that period, not overnight.  And that is the nature of progressive MS.  The clue is in the name, “progressive”.  Yes, we do talk about the future, about when my body decides that it just can’t do it anymore; but that is the future…  If I have learnt anything about living with MS, it’s that you don’t worry about the future – we just don’t know if that will happen…  It’s likely, but not certain, so we’re not worrying about that now.  What we’re worrying about now is Christmas and facing the supermarket…  

Living life for now.  


 Happy Christmas everyone, may it be your best yet.




Sir John Sawers
Secret Intelligence Service
PO Box 1300

Dear Sir,

I understand from the newspapers that one of your operatives has been arrested in Iran, accused of spying on Iranian oil shipping.

What I fail to understand is why you failed to provide him with the invisibility device used by thousands of people up and down the country everyday.

As someone that suffers from multiple sclerosis, a fluctuating condition, I occasionally use one myself, and I can tell you that nothing ensures invisibility like them; the minute you sit down you are guaranteed not just anonymity, but 100% invisibility!

I have been used as a parcel shelf on a bus and train – where someone has plonked a bag or, as happened on Monday last, a rucksack upon my knee – and when I had the audacity to complain they actually said, and I quote, “Oh, I didn’t see you there.”  You will note that there was no apology – they genuinely thought I was part of the fittings of the bus – THAT is how effective this invisibility device is!

Even when you are being assisted, such as the bus driver lowering the ramp for you to get on the bus and you are lined up ready to get on, people will push past you to run up the ramp and then stand in the bay where you are supposed to go and when the driver tells them to move, they will say that “well, there is nobody there, why can’t I stand here?”, despite the fact that they have just ran past you…

Or, if you have somebody with you, still nobody will see you…  They will see the person behind you, even have a conversation with them, but will never see you!

These are just three examples of the effectiveness of the invisibility device, I am sure that people that have been using one longer than I have could give you countless more examples.

This invisibility device isn’t even that expensive – although mine cost somewhere in the region of £800 as it is bespoke, you can pick one up for as little as £80, including VAT, but I’m sure that, as you would probably buy in bulk, you could get a substantial discount, thus pleasing the bean counters in the public accounts committee!  Plus there are all the savings in failed espionage missions – none need ever fail again!

I do hope that you will pass this letter to whoever the real-life equivalent of “Q” is these days so that they may properly assess the suitability of the invisibility device for SIS missions, but I can assure you that they have been, and are, field tested every single day and are continually being found 100% effective.

Yours sincerely,

Adam Costello